Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
