if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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