How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
