Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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