this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
