He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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