you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
