so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
