I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize