We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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