just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
