I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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