I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
