you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't turn off my feet"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
