Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
