Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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