Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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