Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
