i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
