i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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