Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
