There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
