i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize