Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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