I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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