I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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