I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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