Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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