Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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