Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
