I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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