Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
