she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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