i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
