the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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