I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
