got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
