biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm always down for nudity.
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