we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
