My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
