hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I pour the whiskey from now on
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
