I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
