Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
