God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
