I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
