this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
