We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
