Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
