We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
