i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
