i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize