Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
