and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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