Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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