She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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