isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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