There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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