i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
