Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
