1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
