someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
