Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When are your genitals available?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
