maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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