If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
